Take A Breath

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I have been a bit MIA this semester, from my friends, my family, and most of my social media audience, so much so, that most people thought I transferred out of my college. Though there were a few social posts with spur of the moment snaps and throwbacks to the gram, for the most part, my social life has been non-existent. It is rare this semester that I have had a true moment to break the chains and come up for air. There are many moments where I think, “Why am I doing this to myself and is it too late to quit?”. It is with those same moments that I seem to forget my entire purpose of being sometimes.

And of course, like any college student, I think of turning off my phone, taking a one-way trip somewhere no one knows me and starting a new less stressful life. Then, I think about how disappointed my family, friends and I would be. To know, that I worked so hard to get to where I want to be and yet I want to throw it all away for fleeting moments. I want to thrive, to succeed, and achieve more, that I think that I can handle way more moving parts than I notice. I just forget to breathe. To expand my chest enough and fight against the pressure of responsibilities, and breathe in the clean stress-free air like a newborn baby that doesn’t have a care in the world.

I got my nails done, received a facial, waxed those bushy brows, and most importantly slept late. I was able to fully relax and not have a true care in the world for an entire day. For the first time in a while, I did my hair and make-up, and not for the societal conformities that plague females, but for myself. Most irritating part is the first question asked was, “Planning a night out?”. Truthfully, this got under my skin because society set the norm that women can only pamper themselves if they plan to be flaunted in front of the rest of the world. I just wanted to be freshly pampered in my PJs, with the lights off, a bowl of popcorn and Netflix. Sometimes we just want to feel brand new.

This past weekend, I finally got that chance, to be born again. I got my nails done, received a facial, waxed those bushy brows, and most importantly slept late. I was able to fully relax and not have a true care in the world for an entire day. For the first time in a while, I did my hair and make-up, and not for the societal conformities that plague females, but for myself. Most irritating part is the first question asked was, “Planning a night out?”. Truthfully, this got under my skin because society set the norm that women can only pamper themselves if they plan to be flaunted in front of the rest of the world. I just wanted to be freshly pampered in my PJs, with the lights off, a bowl of popcorn and Netflix. Sometimes we just want to feel brand new.

Yes, Monday hit hard, as I realized my weekend came to an abrupt end. I was right back at it with my work in the morning, class till 9:30, then practice till almost midnight schedule. Back to back days dragging on for weeks, I can see how someone could go crazy. There is really never a way to get used to it, but if you remember to breathe it can get that much easier. Happiness was discovered by taking a breath.

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Where will happiness be discovered next?

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